But I understand.

I understand the freedom that is stretched to becoming slavery, 

which gave me the experience that taught me to refuse. 

I understand the shams that coat the truth, 

which wrongly pursued for power that seeked revenge. 

I understand the enigma that surrounds the world's beliefs,

which gave me the knowledge that put much in my imagination.

I understand the protection of a mask that balances good and evil,

which opened the reality of lies and tricks. 

I understand the principles and ideologies that are built from influence,

which distorted the views from submission to decadence.

I understand the pause of life that defined nostalgia,

which yoked the obligation and bliss of alcohol to a person's life. 

I understand the meaning of love the day I did not think of myself, 

which let me get hurt the night I wanted it to be night all day. 

But I have yet to understand the possibility---that granule of possibility, that what I understood, can all be wrong. 

But I understand. 

The world never let me ate.

If I may ask it myself, when was the last time i actually ate just for the sake of it? Thing is, I am actually setting an idea here wherein the idea itself is the one I am trying to figure out. I remember last year, my professor in this philosophy class I enrolled in asked us the same question, "when was the last time...?" And i figured, she has a shit awesome point there. When was the last time I actually ate something and enjoyed the idea of eating alone? Eating alone which meant eating as it is. Eating. Yes. Only that. 

Every time I eat, I have been accustomed to eating because I know its a life-requirement. When I eat, I never really thought of the idea of eating. I never found the time to appreciate my time for eating. My mind is always afar from the table and it's always thinking of other random things that keeps me from tasting, appreciating and savoring the food. 

Well, considering all of those, I think i never really eaten anything. Same goes for sleeping. And a lot more.

With all the world's feeding of information, emotions and experiences, I didn't even realize that it got the best OR worst of me. The world constantly and consistently pressured me into thinking and worrying about everything that concerned me, BUT this. The world never let me ate. 

I'm ordering pizza. 

Bad burn.

For someone who I have loved,

I have come to compare you to a cigarette. 

I have smoked you and felt your weight on me. 

But as I drew in to your power,

It bore me the pain of emptiness.

Only then have I realized,

That you were a bad burn. 

I had the desire to light you again,

So I tricked myself to the nuisance of deceit. 

My time for you was blindfolded by my heart,

For you had me strong enough, 

to endure the pain of waiting for you. 

But waiting had become numb like ice in the dark.

And time was luxury I was not able to afford no longer. 

I have longed to see you and wished to feel you, 

But what came off of lighting you again, 

Bred two tears of grief and sorrow. 

All that I felt was from wishing thinking, 

for the blur of the smokes hid the reality.

I should have thrown you months back, had i known,

And let the fire fade as time moved on. 

I smoked you with my heart. I smoked you with my life.

But it is only now have I realized,

that you were long a bad burn.